Glimpse into Motivation Monday - week 7 2014

Welcome to the new blog series... Motivation Mondays! To get things started, here is an idea to think about this week....

 "Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin.
Beginning makes the conditions perfect."

 

A big part of having a chronic illness is waiting. Waiting for answers, waiting for results, waiting for improvements. It could be easy to fall into the trap of putting your life on pause, and just waiting. As I often say though, this is our life, we only have this one chance, and it is up to you whether you let your illness become you, or whether you let it only be a part of you. If we wait for that miraculous moment when we feel healthy again, we may have let a great chunk of our life ramble past us like a tumble weed. Maybe you can not do the exact thing that you want to do, but find an option that makes you happy. For example, I can not work at the moment due to my health. I love my work as a nurse, so in the meantime, I keep myself happy learning more, and reading and writing about health. In doing so, I have discovered a new path for myself and love the idea of helping people improve their overall wellness through improved nutrition and lifestyle choices. Find your option! Begin, and keep happy and strong, and things will get better!

If you are healthy and thankfully free of a chronic health issue, this still applies to you! What are you putting off which you could do now? What if you put off that dream job until you are more confident, or when the kids are older, or when the sun, moon and earth are at a 45 degree angle, and you find yourself in an unexpected situation that keeps you from that dream job?! Act now. You don't know what could change down the track. Be brave, begin, and the happiness and self love that comes from beginning will make you strong enough to keep going.

Do not wait; begin. 

Glimpse into the New Year

Today is New Year's Day. A day typically dedicated to reflection and statements of intentions. Every New Year for the past 3 years, I have made New Year's resolutions. These have all revolved around my health and improving its state of deterioration, which had begun to speed up between 2008 and 2010. Each year, I felt more determined than the previous to work harder at finding out what was wrong with me, how to fix it, and go about doing so. And at the conclusion of each year, I was left feeling varying levels of failure because of these resolutions. (Although, 2013 has probably revealed a lot more potential than other years, even if it has been one of the worst for my body.) So this year, as 2013 began to wrap up, and 2014 loomed closer, I decided to not make a resolution. I felt I did not want the self imposed pressure, when I already know that I am doing my best to improve my health. More specifically, I didn't want that added feeling of failure when reflecting on previous resolutions, when my health battles are frustrating enough.

However, on the day of New Year's Eve, as I read people's statements, and listened to them explore their purpose and decisions, I began to think that maybe I do need a New Year's Resolution. After all, it is but a goal, and I constantly have small, medium and large goals in my life, which all of you with chronic health problems will understand too well. So after mulling over what I need to improve or appreciate or stop doing or start doing, I came to this conclusion. In 2014, I will just be.

          ~ Let go. Just be. ~

I am constantly over thinking things in my head, partly due to having too much time to over think, partly due to the frustrating dead-end feeling that comes with chronic illness. I find myself unnecessarily worrying, or unnecessarily being frustrated or saddened by some one's actions, or building something up and then being unnecessarily disappointed when it doesn't happen that way. Chronic illnesses takes what you thought was normal, and throws it up in the air and causes it to land in a million different directions and angles. I have said it before and I will say it again; we need to allow ourselves to step out from the dark cloud that chronic illness is, and enjoy what we do have. Live in the moment. We don't get to do this "life" thing twice (as far as we know!), and it seems ridiculous to let it slip past us, while we let illness tarnish our thoughts, alter our plans and change our happiness. Obviously, chronic illness comes in all shapes and sizes, and inevitably our thoughts, plans and happiness will be effected. Also, chronic illness requires determination, motivation, strength and perseverance to battle, so I am not saying we can just sit back and hope all will go the way we would like.
However, somehow, in the blur of pain, confusion, frustration, and sickness, we need to find a way to see the good in a moment, not just the discomfort. In 2014, I need to, we need to, just be.
           Happy New Year!

Glimpse into my thoughts about chronic illness

I have chosen to write 5 things I hate about having a chronic illness, 5 things that help put a positive spin on chronic illness, and 5 things I still need to learn from or about living with chronic illness. I hope this helps people feel less alone, get some ideas, or understand other people's situation...

Glimpse into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

A couple of weeks ago, I went to see my doctor, and came out feeling like we had had a break though. I have been seeing him for close to a year now, and he has tested me for so many conditions in an attempt to explain my symptoms. I have had several tests come back out of whack, and now, along with a new result showing that I have had Ebstein Barr Virus in the past, combined with my symptoms and ruling out other similar conditions, he has officially diagnosed Myalgic Encephalitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Along with that I already knew I also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (an autoimmune condition), multiple food intolerances, Fructose Malabsorption, low parathyroid function, and a couple of other things I will have to monitor.

 

Glimpse into defining ourselves through illness

I read some advice recently about not letting your illness define you. This initially sounded logical, and quite a basic instinct. However upon mulling it over, I started questioning the feasibility of this concept, when you are deep in the throws of a chronic condition.

Glimpse into the misconceptions surrounding pushing through chronic illness

This morning, my mum and I were talking about people's perceptions of you when you have a chronic health problem. I know that I have touched on this before, but when you are living with an ongoing issue, it is tough enough without having to deal with people's misconceptions and judgements. We came to the conclusion that no one can really understand the situation unless they actually live through it, or are very close to someone living with it. Mum is the closest person to me in this process, and she even admits to sometimes not understanding, but she truly gets the roller coaster, the hard times, and the frustrations.

The most difficult thing I find that people don't understand, is that some days I can push through, and others I can't. I am one of the lucky ones. Some people with chronic fatigue, pain and fainting issues are in bed all day, every day, and basic things become mammoth tasks. Yes, I can sometimes have a couple of hours where I can put on a brave face, smile, and have fun, or do gentle chores. But what some people don't see, or don't choose to acknowledge, is that the process of getting myself ready, out of the house and to that point was a huge effort. They also do not see that during those smiles I am often feeling bad, and afterwards, I rest on the couch or in bed for hours or days. Sometimes, I do have to cancel plans, because I just feel too bad that there is no pushing through. But on days I can manage to push through, and hide my paleness and dark eyes with makeup, I don't miraculously feel 100%! Maybe that is part of the problem, because I do not voice and make known the invisible symptoms to people around me, or I will say that I am feeling better than I actually am. But I don't want to be "that sick girl who is always complaining"!

Glimpse into the world of blogs

I have a lot of time on my hands these days while I am unable to work or socialise because of my health. Sometimes, I waste this time, watching trashy sitcoms, or mindlessly flipping through magazines, and that is what I need at those times. Then other times, I make use of brain fog free moments, and read amazing blogs, articles and books about such a range of topics that interest me. We truly are blessed with what we can access. This post is my 100th in blogland, and to celebrate, I have been reflecting on how fantastic blogs can be.

Glimpse into a life transformation

As I deal with a chronic illness that prevents me from taking part in activities that I once loved to do, I take inspiration from people who have managed to change their bodies into something amazing. Whether it is due to chronic illness, a busy and hectic lifestyle, poor choices, or a lack of resources and opportunity, there are so many reasons why people can find themselves in a body that they are less than happy with. I believe that we can all work with what we have and improve the fantastic homes that we live in - after all, it is the only one we will ever get! Whether this means that you will be able to get out of bed for a few hours a day, or whether it means taking part in an ironman, there is a level for everyone that we can aim for, and do everything in our power to reach.

I was lucky enough to interview a woman who has turned her body and life around. She describes her health in the past to have been appalling. She spent years heavily binge drinking two to three times a week, as well as smoking two to seven cigarettes a day, plus an extra pack on a night out. She ate fast and processed foods regularly and took no notice of what was in the food, such as additives and sugars. Her name is Gabrielle, and she decided, while sitting in the smoking area of a pub, intoxicated, that it was time to make a change. She is not only improving her body for her health, but will be competing in the INBA 2013 QLD State Championships for Body Building. What a goal!

**********

This is where Gabe found her body to be when she decided enough was enough! These are photos that have motivated her to keep going with her change.

Glimpse into chronic fatigue guilt - it's a fine line.

This chronic illness thing can really get you feeling ticked off at times! I feel like I get a grasp on how to handle things, and then something happens and bam, I am back to feeling alone, and unsure of how to get out of this never ending tunnel. I am not writing this for pity. I want people in similar situations to hear this and know they aren't alone. And maybe our shared experiences can come up with a way of dealing with it all.

Glimpse into socialising with chronic illness

I had an invitation to join a not to be missed, important and happy family celebration in the form of a high tea at a hotel on Sunday. This posed many problems for my body...preparation to get ready for a fancy tea, a long train trip to get to the hotel, an unknown in terms of the food, and hours spent away from my rest inducing couch. I was however, determined and optimistic to make it to this special do.

Glimpse into the chronic illness rollercoaster

I have had another week riding the rollercoaster that is chronic illness and the hunt for answers and treatment.

 

Glimpse into Gembles; smiling from the inside

I have had postural hypotension for so long that for the majority of the time, I can be losing my vision or feeling dizzy and lightheaded, and people around me do not know! In the same sense, I am realising that I can be feeling nauseous, aching, and exhausted inside these days, but people will comment on how well I am managing a task, and that I am having such a good day! I give them a shocked reaction, thinking "what?! But I feel gross!"

Today, I am thinking that this may indicate:
1.) That I am getting a little better, slowly slowly! Yay!
2.) That I am dealing with what I am faced with, and learning how to manage my gentle activities without giving into the discomfort (because I am so lucky and have so much help and support throughout the day).
3.) That I am risking slipping back into my old thinking of pushing myself so that I can do the things I want to do, and so the things that will make others happy are done, and I could overdo it.
4.) That my positivity and attempt to keep my attitude strong and happy is starting to take effect.

Glimpse into our driving forces

I have a post, about dealing with insomnia, ready to put up on my blog, but right now, as I lie on the couch feeling very unwell, and needing to distract myself from my body, I find myself writing another.
I am worried that I am not reacting well to the latest medication addition. I really hope not. It is hard to tell sometimes, whether I am just having a particularly bad week in the life of being in this body, or whether the symptoms are caused by something else! So it will be off to get blood tests done soon, to see if anything can be identified.

Days like these make me think about what gets us going. What pulls our eyelids open, enables us to swing our aching legs around to the side of the bed, and put one slow foot in front of another?

Glimpse into listening to the lessons

Having a body that is not working to its full ability is frustrating beyond description. To begin to explain the feelings that it creates, the words sadness, disappointment, anger, self pity, jealousy, self loathing, and disbelief spring to mind. However, it can also have a positive side. Sometimes, in my low moments, I think of the upbeat things I say about this faulty body of mine, and I roll my eyes at my pathetic optimism! But as hard as it is to see, there has to be something good to come from these situations.

 Illness, be my mentor.

Glimpse into life's forks on Monday April 8th, 2013

As I sit here at my laptop, the rain bellowing above me on the tin roof, the beautiful sounds of Vivaldi, Handel and their fellow genius composers accompanying my keyboard taps beside me, and the contents from my mug of hot tea warming my belly, I am contemplating that we call life, and the intention behind it. Deep, I know. Maybe a little too deep for a Monday afternoon. But what is one to contemplate when alone on a rainy day? I have no other plans for the day, let alone the week, due to unpredictable health issues that can one minute give my body its freedom, and the next have it falling deeply between the couch cushions, hoping the world will stop its noisy spinning.
Early last year something happened to some people who are very special to me, and it really made me question my beliefs of the notion that there is something, someone, bigger than us all, leading and guiding us through our journey. As most people do at some stage or another, I questioned that if there is such a being, then how can it bear to have us all suffer so much.
After the past few months however, I suddenly feel like so much has changed for me that I can not ignore the idea that something is guiding me. Everything that I have worked for, planned, lived and fought for was placed in a big metaphorical cardboard box, and shaken until there were only shattered splinters left inside. It feels like I had put myself on the wrong path, and someone or something was hinting and warning me, but I was ignoring its whispers, so it resorted to wiping my entire slate clean. Ignore me will you, it said. Take that.
So I suddenly find myself at the fork of a new path. The old one stretched temptingly to the left, the new one panning frighteningly to the right. It is impossible to ignore the upheaval and pass it off as a bump in the road.
I have decided I will take the road to the right. It is horrifying and exhilarating. But what I am learning is that when that fork does slam us in the face with its sharp prongs, we don't have to smash the old path up and throw it in a giant skip. We can take the pieces we choose with us. We can pick the memories, the lessons, the hopes and the people, and pack them up with us in our bags, and wear them on our backs, and their weight will keep us grounded and warned, warmed and strengthened.

Glimpse into what I can eat

This post is directed at my friends and family, as requested by my friends Joel & Junna, and is basically so Joel stops asking me what I can eat every time he sees me!! ;-) 
To all those reading who have fructose malabsorption, my list may help you explore your intolerance. Be aware though that everyone has different tolerance levels to different fructose containing foods. So please experiment for yourself; what works for me could make you unwell, and vise versa!


To narrow it down, the list of what I can not eat first!....:

Gluten (not even a whiff!; staying clear due to my autoimmune condition)
Grains (a little corn from time to time is ok. Quinoa and rice are fine)
Dairy (a very small amount very occasionally; i.e. the amount in gluten free bread is ok)
Eggs ("                                                 as above                                                                   ")
Peanuts
High fructose foods

Fructose is where it gets tricky!!

There are some foods that contain such high amounts of fructose that they are not worth even a lick! (or the other FODMAPs which cause reactions in people with fructose malabsorption {Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols - these are sugar molecules in foods}).
I can not eat: honey, wheat, onion, garlic, artificial and natural sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, dried fruits, pistachios, stone fruits, apple, pear, inulin (artificial fibre).


Moving on to the foods that I can eat!......

There are foods that I can have in small to tiny amounts, watching what I combine them with so as to not OD on FODMAPs! (For example, even safe fruits need to be small serves, spaced 2-3 hours from other fructose foods).
These are: mushrooms, beetroot, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, tomatoes, leeks (green part only), lettuce, zucchini, green beans, asparagus, avocado, celery, fresh figs, dried cranberries and blueberries, melons, grapes, caster sugar, nuts, coconut, corn flour, Powerade drink, dry wine, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, lemonade.

Then there are foods that I can eat fairly freely, but still need to be aware of amounts and combinations! These are: potato, carrots, sweet potato, pumpkin, spinach, cucumber, berries, lemons, limes, bananas, pineapple, grapefruit, citrus fruits, kiwi fruit, passion fruit,  rhubarb, dried pineapple, quiona, gluten free pastas, rice, gluten free flours, rice flour, almond meal, dark chocolate, dairy free chocolate (with caster sugar, not sweeteners), dextrose, rice syrup, vegemite, Lucozade drink, vodka, rum, rice milk, decaffeinated teas.

Then the foods that I don't need to monitor amounts with (not any more than anyone else has to anyway!):
All meat and fish. (Slow cooked, stewed lamb seems to be no good for me though).
Yep, this one is a big list.... ;-)


So....clear as mud?! Yep, I am the worst possible dinner guest. Ever.

Essentially, I am a gluten and peanut free, low fructose consuming vegan who eats meat!

Glimpse into remedies for autoimmune symptoms PART ONE

I am always on the look out for new ideas, inspirations, plans, techniques and tricks to make a difference to my many and varied symptoms. I get lost reading articles about exciting and interesting topics; I love blogs, books and magazines about well being, food and health. I also am quite open to experimenting and playing trial and error with myself to find out what works best for me.

Today, I will concentrate on what I find helpful when I have symptoms stemming from having an autoimmune disease. Another day, I will write about what I do when I react to foods.

I am currently having regular acupuncture, moxibustion and massage. I guess you do wonder how much it is actually doing but one session a few weeks ago confirmed to me that yes, it is helping! I walked in feeling pretty gross. I was fairly sure I was developing hyperthyroidism again because I was feeling shaky, achy and stiff, light headed and woozy. As I lay on the table with the acupuncture needles, I could actually feel it all easing up. After a gentle massage too I felt so relaxed, and I walked out with only remnants of the feelings I had come in with. It was exciting, and definitely makes the weekly fork out of $150+ seem worthy and justifiable. I have read that other people with thyroid issues get a lot of relief from this type of treatment too, so give a go; it could work for you! Massage is great as it not only eases the stiffness and aches, but it can help with your mind set too. And it doesn't always have to be a paid session with a trained therapist! It is even more soothing when it is a loved one that is massaging you; it provides a feeling of being loved, supported and understood too!

When I am aching and stiff, I do find that heat can help. Sometimes I avoid it, because it can then also make me feel light headed and weak, but when I can manage it, it does ease things up and it takes my mind off the pain. Run a warm bath, use a hot pack or use a warming rub (I was given Zheng Gu Shui sports liniment from my natural therapist).

One of my most hindering symptoms currently is chronic fatigue. Having suffered from fatigue, it is amazing how you come to understand the difference between being tired and being fatigued. My acupuncturist asked me the other day if I had had a bad sleep the night before and I said yes I had, and that I felt quite tired. He then asked if my energy levels were improving any. I said that today I did feel more energised. He clarified with me, "'So you feel sleepy because you did not sleep well, but you feel quite energised today?" It sounded funny and contradicting, but it was a revelation moment, when someone else understood that they are two separate components. Even having been very active all day and feeling exhausted, is a different feeling to that of fatigue.
Chronic fatigue is a nasty, vicious circle. I wake feeling exhausted, so I lay in bed until hunger takes over. I get up and do a few things, and inevitably end up resting on the couch. If I try to live life and do something fun, or do some chores, I am knocked out for the next few days. I crawl into bed exhausted at the granny bedtime of 8 or 9pm. Sometimes, I have the added joy that is insomnia, and lie there, wide awake for up to six frustrating hours.
My fitness is beyond non existent. Which, for someone who used to go to the gym up to 5 times a week, is disheartening to say the least. I know that if I were able to improve my fitness, it would help my overall feeling of health, as I wouldn't be fighting with being out of shape on top of fatigue. The catch 22 problem there is, of course, trying to drag yourself off the couch, when everything feels heavy, and going for a walk (and then, not fainting when on said walk!). When I do manage to go for a walk, or do a yoga or tai chi session, I do feel the benefits. Even if I end up feeling exhausted, it does help me feel a little more invigorated usually, and at the least, it blows a few of the cobwebs away that have gathered from the couch! I am trying to motivate myself to do some gentle form of activity as regularly as possible (or let others motivate me and drag me kicking and screaming off the couch!). I do encourage and recommend that you try to find something that your body will let you do, because every bit counts.

For more tips on relieving symptoms, read on in Part Two of this blog :-)

Glimpse into remedies for autoimmune symptoms PART TWO

Another impeding element for me is regular light headiness and dizziness. Obviously this can be quite dangerous. Along with fatigue, it is one of the main things stopping me currently from working as a nurse. It also means that I do not drive. My feeling of independence is equal to that of a fourteen year old! Not only do I rely on people to shop, cook and clean for me, but I can't even leave the house when I want to! I am so appreciative of the abilities I do have, because there are so many people out there that have so much less than I do. Of course, at 29 years of age however, having experienced independence and self reliance, to find yourself unable to work, drive or do most of the usual things that one does when looking after themselves, it is by no means an easy task to come to a place of acceptance of this situation! In theory, it sounds great to not have to work, or do house work or groceries, or cook dinner. It all adds up though, and those simple things that you take for granted and even begrudge, are groundings to what makes our lives interesting and filled with opportunity.
I am quite good at coping with my light headiness in that a lot of the time, people around me don't even know that I am blacking out. I have dealt with it for as along as I can remember, so I can often keep walking or carrying out what I am doing, while my vision goes black. I know when I am having an episode that requires me to sit, and so far I have not hit the ground that I can remember! (I have certainly come close, and looked like a drunk staggering along, but I have managed to safely get myself down). I do try the usual recommendations: I drink water regularly, I include salt in my diet, I try to not get too hot and I eat regularly. These techniques don't seem to make a huge difference, but then again, without doing it, it all could be a lot worse. Sometimes I have a feeling of ''not being here." It is a peculiar sensation in which my body keeps moving but my mind feels like it has turned off, so for a brief while I feel like I am flying on auto and the pilot has leaped out with the parachute. I find that the only thing I can do when this happens is press my nails into my palms and try to force myself to concentrate on my surroundings, and I eventually come out of it. I have been aware of this feeling since I was a child.
Other solutions to dizziness can include making sure the people with you regularly are aware. It is so helpful when you don't need to make a big deal of what is happening, and you can just nudge someone and they know that you just need some help; they can hold you up and help you to a seat, without a lengthy explanation of what is happening. I also keep an emergency pack of nibbles with me always, and try to have water on standby too.

Another problem when dealing with a long term illness, is cabin fever. Boredom can send you insane!! Sometimes I am struck by the fact I have no idea what I could do with the upcoming hours stretching before me. I am trying to find things that interest me that are within my current physical ability level. I have been attempting to learn more about my digital SLR camera. Upkeep of this blog gives me something to think about. I read as much as I can. My close friends are great; they understand that I can't plan a certain activity on a certain day now, and are always flexible and accepting of a last minute change. They are also willing to sit with me in my couch world if that is all that I am up to.

It is easy to slip into a feeling of missing out and being left out, but I take strength from knowing that I at least have the ability to do some things, and I have supportive family and friends, and I have the financial ability to look after my health as best as possible. Sometimes it feels like I am at a complete dead end, and nothing is happening for me. Lately though, I have started to look at it like this: My life is a blank canvas. I have the ability to start afresh with the knowledge of who and what is important to me and I can paint it with whichever colours I choose.

Glimpse into being in my shoes

This morning, after reading tweets written by other people with long term illnesses, I read again the story of "The Spoon Theory." This is a well written explanation of what it is like to not have a body that is firing on all cylinders. You can find the story here: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Even the people who spend a lot of time with me, do not understand what it is truly like to live with an illness that robs you of your true capability. They try to, they think they do, but ultimately they let you down when they expect more from you than you can physically give, and then feel disappointed or hurt by you because you can not give it, when you are just trying your best. I think my mum is really the only person who comes close to truly getting it, without actually going through it herself.
I don't want to use excuses. I want to increase people's awareness of these issues, so there is a better understanding. I have it so much better than a lot of people by far, and I do count my blessings. I do understand the struggle however, and I want to improve people's knowledge of the subject.

As the spoon theory lays out, when you have limited energy reserves, and issues such as pain and dizziness are a frequent occurrence, you have to choose which battles to fight. Sometimes, I will have a shower and it will make me feel better. But a lot of the time, the simple process of getting ready in the morning is so exhausting, that by the time I am ready to leave the house, I could do with a nap! Sometimes, I choose to do something slightly physical, like go to the shops, or do a photography workshop for a few hours. These tasks are gentle, and involve only slow walking, and can even be broken up with regular breaks. However, they completely drain me. I have to choose to do something like that, knowing that I will be physically and mentally spent by the end. I would rather do that than always rest and do nothing; I want to get out there and live! But the thing that disappoints people, is you do something like that, and then they want you to keep giving more, and you can't. Every bone in my body comes to feel like lumps of hot and heavy stone, and I can barely keep my eyes open, and the dizziness and nausea set in, and as much as I would absolutely love to keep going, the only option is to sleep. I get frustrated by this, but I can feel it, so I know I just have to give into it. People who can't feel it, try as they might, don't know why you can't just push a little more, because their bodies allow them to.

It took me a really long time to learn to give into it. When doctors kept telling me there was nothing wrong, I kept pushing myself. So many days at work, I felt like I had to just concentrate on getting through. That upsets me because I couldn't give my best. Trips to the grocery store were usually a downright horrible experience, and then going home to cook dinner every night was a nightmare! By the end of night, I felt absolutely broken. But then people expect you to keep giving, so you can't stop.

Now that I have been told there is something going on with my body, I have been able to ease off myself a little. I am getting better at accepting help, and asking for it. I am better at saying no, I can not do it. I am better at knowing I need to rest, and fitting it into my day.

What would help now would be more people who understand that just because I can't, it doesn't mean I don't want to. More people who understand that I am trying my absolute best, and yes, it isn't equal to what other people can give at their best, and yes it doesn't fit into what people normally do at my age, but it is my current best. So many people have moved out of my life because I can't keep up with them or give them what they want; you definitely learn who your true friends are when you decline social offers and the like, and then never hear from them again! This time in my life is bloody hard, and I just don't need people giving up on me; it makes me weaker and the struggle is so much harder. People in my situation come to rely on other people, and when that network gets smaller, although it leaves you with the people you can really trust and count on, it makes you feel insignificant, misunderstood, let down and thrown aside. I do absolutely understand how it would feel for other people though, and I would forgive and welcome them back into my life!!

I am (hopefully!) getting really close to finding a solution to my health problems. I am confident that soon I will be more of the me that I used to be. I really hope so. I will have gone through this, and learnt so much; who is important to me, who I am important to, what my goals are for my life, where my strength comes from. So many people do not have the prospect of getting better, and their motivation to keep going is truly inspiring. Everyone can help eachother, with a little trust and understanding, with love and support, everyone can keep people who are struggling going.

Glimpse into a motivating perspective

I began having minor symptoms of a misbehaving body towards the end of my teens (although I had spent my entire childhood and teens picking up every bug and infection, and Mum always thought something wasn't quite right with me). These symptoms didn't overly affect my life, apart from frequent colds and infections meaning I would cancel on some social events, and miss uni from time to time. However, on the whole, I remember being happy with my body. I would think how my body would put up with anything I did to it when Mum would complain about reactions to face creams and makeup. I noticed that if I put a kilo or two on after a couple weeks of holidaying gluttony, I would quickly and easily lose it when I went back to being healthy. Although I had bad eyesight and a weak ankle, my dodgy immune system was my only real issue, but I got used to it (an immune system which, til my mid twenties seemed weak against any enemy, has now turned on me and is attacking me!!).

Since I started experiencing more severe and frequent symptoms about  4-5 years ago (which then really hit hard in the past 2.5 years), my life seems to have become just about being sick. Up until my mid twenties, I was really happy with what I had done with my life thus far. When I had finished school, I travelled for a year, and then I went to uni. I worked for two years and then travelled, lived and worked overseas. Then after meeting my partner from Adelaide, I moved there for 1.5 years and experienced living and working in a different Australian city. I felt I had done a fair bit for a 26 year old!
But now, almost 3 years later, apart from a bit of travel, I feel like I have just plodded along. I am in the same job and position I was in prior to leaving for overseas, I barely do any of the fun, social events I used to love, I am not married, or starting to have kids, or studying new courses, or travelling the world, or anything I thought I would be doing by the time I was getting closer to 30! That is just not me! I am enthusiastic, and keen to learn and experience new things, I want to start a family,  I love to have fun, and take on new responsibilities and make the most of life!!

Being unwell so frequently really does impact on you so much. It can be quite upsetting, frustrating and disheartening. My support network is really my saving grace. I have had so much help and understanding and love from so many people, that I can't imagine giving up and not trying to get to all those things I crave to do eventually.

Although it seems bleak sometimes, it is really a driving and motivating factor. I am off work at the moment for quite some time because of my health, but I am making the most of this time to do the little things that could help in some way to improve things (eating healthily, having accupuncture and massage, resting etc. I am even starting yoga soon!). One thing that having a dodgy body teaches you is to fight for the things you really want. I am determined to do everything I can do to look after my body, and to seek out any medical help and advice that can change things. I know I can get back on track, and when I do, it will make all the things I want to do that much better when I do do them! I think I will become a gym junkie for a start!